Does your coach's lived experience matter?
- Katie Manasse
- Sep 17
- 5 min read
What is the role of lived experience in coaching, and how important is it to you as a client?
It’s a question more and more people are asking - and for good reason.
Coaching is a deeply personal process. You’re bringing your hopes, your fears, your biggest ambitions and sometimes your most tender vulnerabilities into the space. So it makes sense to wonder: will this person understand me, or will I have to spend half my time explaining my world before we can even begin?
The truth? It depends on you. But I’ll share why, in my practice, lived experience often plays an important role - and how you can think about this when choosing your own coach.
Lived experience vs. technical skill: is it either/or?
I sometimes see the conversation framed as being a trade-off: do you pick someone with the qualifications, or someone who gets your world?
In reality, many people look for both. And it’s a perfectly reasonable expectation.
In my own case, I’ve invested deeply in professional training. I’ve recently completed an Advanced Practitioner coaching qualification in executive and career coaching, building on previous certifications. I use well-established tools and frameworks to support clarity and goal-setting, and I am trained in Acceptance and Commitment Coaching, ADHD coaching, the use of psychometric tools in coaching, and more!
But, I also know my lived experience shapes my empathy and understanding in ways no course ever could. It helps me to hold certain spaces with more nuance, more care, and more safety. And for many clients, that combination of skill and experience is exactly what makes our work together so powerful.
It’s not about the coach’s story taking over
This is something I’m passionate about. Coaching isn’t mentoring. It’s not advice. I don’t sit there recounting my life story. The coaching room is yours - your values, your decisions, your outcomes.
But knowing who your coach is outside the coaching room can still matter enormously. It gives you information about the lens they bring, and whether you’ll spend extra emotional labour educating them before you can even start.
For many people who’ve faced discrimination or bias - whether due to gender, disability, neurodivergence, race, sexuality or any other part of their identity - this is a crucial piece. They want to know: will I be safe here? Will I be understood, or at least will this person approach me with curiosity and humility, not judgement?
Examples from my own practice
A small example from early in my business: I had written in my bio that I’d volunteered as a doula. One of my very first coaching clients had also used a doula and told me it gave her confidence that we’d “vibe.”
It wasn’t that we talked about birth work in our sessions. But that little piece of shared reference helped her feel she’d be understood.
Another client, who was neurodivergent, told me they’d spent so much time in other professional spaces masking or explaining themselves that it was a relief to work with someone who simply got it. This meant we could skip straight to the meaningful work of untangling challenges, building self-knowledge and setting goals - rather than getting stuck in proving or translating their experience.
Does this mean your coach has to share your identity?
No. It absolutely doesn’t. For many people, the coach’s lived experience isn’t a deciding factor. They might be more focused on methodology, on industry expertise, or simply on how the coach makes them feel in an introductory conversation.
But for others - especially those from marginalised backgrounds - knowing that a coach is vocal and clear about their values and identity can be the foundation of trust. It saves them having to wonder whether a crucial part of their life will be misunderstood or dismissed.
My philosophy: you’re drawn to who your coach is, not just what they’re qualified in
It’s something I write about often. I believe people choose coaches not just for what they’re certified to do, but because of who they are. Because of their values, their way of seeing the world, the kind of space they’re able to hold.
That’s why I make sure people can find out who I am before they ever sit down in a session. It helps us both: clients can decide if this feels like a space where they can show up fully, and I get to work with people who are aligned with the values and kind of expansive, honest coaching work I love to do.
How do you figure out what matters most to you?
If you’re currently exploring coaching, here are a few questions to guide your search:
Do I want someone who understands a particular aspect of my life from the inside?
Would it feel safer or more comfortable to work with someone who shares certain values or experiences?
Or am I mostly looking for specific expertise, or a certain style of challenge and support?
Do I feel comfortable to raise this with coaches in discovery calls? (I would always be delighted to have conversations with prospective clients about this, as part of working out if we’re a good fit to work together.)
Why people choose coaches like me
I’m very open, in my writing and on social media, about who I am: I’m neurodivergent (I identify as AuDHD, meaning I have both Autism and ADHD). I’ve run multiple businesses, worked in the arts and education, and been active in unions and social justice spaces. I also openly support trans rights, disability rights and inclusion.
My openness about all of this is very intentional. It’s not because these parts of my identity will steer the conversation inside the coaching room. In fact, I work hard to keep that space “clean” - focused entirely on the client, not on me.
But being explicit about who I am gives prospective clients the chance to make an informed choice. It helps them to know whether this is likely to be a safe, affirming place to do some of their most important thinking.
For instance, I recently worked with a trans business owner who told me outright: they wouldn’t have risked stepping into a private, vulnerable coaching space with someone whose views on their existence were unclear. They needed to feel confident that their identity would be respected - not questioned or minimised - before they could even consider exploring the complex challenges of running and marketing their business.
Want to see if we’d be a good fit?
Every coaching relationship starts with a simple, open conversation. If you’d like, we can have a free 30-minute discovery call — no pressure, just a chance to explore whether working together might be right for you.
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